Fingers? Forks? Spoon? Stress!

Have you ever been to a “formal” dinner where there are so many pieces of silverware on the table that it is hard to figure out where one place setting ends and the next begins?

There you are, all dressed up for this prestigious event and you take one look at the table and feel like the village idiot!

Then, the flashback to the years in Family and Consumer Science (or Home Economics as we older folks call it) where you learned, or better yet, were presented with this information that you were supposed learn, the proper way to set a table.

Who knew that one day, some of us may actually have to put those lessons into action!

So, there you are, sitting and carrying on a conversation with your table mates, whom you barely know, when the first course is set in front of you.

As you half listen to the topic at hand, you casually scan the others to see what piece of flatware they have decided to begin with.

I remember hearing that you always work your way from the outside in toward the plate.

Okay, that works as long as common sense tells you that this particular course requires the use of only a spoon or only a fork.

I mean eating a salad with a fork is the logical choice, as is sipping soup from a spoon.

But what if the staff presents you with a wonderful delicacy that you could, in your mind, use either the fork or the spoon!

What a conundrum!

Here, you’ve gotten all dressed up to attend a dinner where you are anticipating a nice, relaxing evening and you suddenly have indigestion from the stress of which one of the many pieces of flatware you are expected to use.

You boldly make a decision and choose a utensil.

Ahh, you guessed correctly and the dinner conversation continues with no one realizing the level of stress you just endured.

But wait, the staff is gathering the dishes and, oh no, another snap decision!

Do you set that piece of silverware off to the side or does it accompany your plate to the kitchen?

More stress, more decision making, more indigestion!

Is this really worth it?

Let’s alleviate this whole scenario by sticking with the basics, one knife, one fork and one spoon.

And yes, every once in a while, a few fingers! (But don’t tell your fancy Schmancy Limo Riding friends that!)

Setting the Table For Who?

Flatware is interesting.

It’s so interesting that I decided that a blog would be a great idea about it!

So If you survived my last post, get excited because this time we’re going to talk about setting the table and the neglected flatware in town.

Let’s start with setting the table. Why? Seriously…why? First of all…what exactly are we setting?  Is it like setting a perm in the 80s?

Big fluffy and really annoying?

I have no clue why we have to learn to set the table.  What if someone doesn’t want to set their flatware in a specific order?  What then?

Are they outcasts like the slotted spoon? I would like to take the time to visualize the setting of the table.  Watch this and then come back here to read the rest:


So there you have it.  The “proper” way to almost drown a baby.

What?  I thought that’d get your attention.  Just want to make sure you’re paying attention to my flatware rant.

If you’re still awake and reading this, then you totally get to know about my unsung hero…the slotted spoon.

If flatware could be something I offer all of my rich friends, I would totally do it.  Think about…the moment they arrive they get a box of new flatware with the coveted slotted spoon.  I would reserve such a wonderful “door prize” for people who rent from Palisades Limo because it is my absolute favorite limo company in the world and they get that my slotted spoon rant is legit.

Slotted spoons are like the superheros of the flatware world.

I’m being serious.

It’s the spoon that never stops leaking out fluid from it’s innards and frequently get’s stuck being alone. Are the other flatware jealous?

Who knows? Would you envy a holy mess?

Think about it….you can forget almost everything you know about flatware, and if I were to ask you which piece of flatware is the BEST at helping you strain things…you immediately think our super hero….the slotted spoon.

You just might even begin  to realize how detrimental it is to have one flatware set  that is missing a slotted spoon superman and you’re other flatware  might fall apart if you don’t take care of this serious situation.

In comes the slotted spoon for a brief distraction!  Taa Daa! All of a sudden everything is singing like in the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast and your mother can rest because the Slotted Spoon is here to stay!

What’s More Useful A Spoon Or A Folk?

Let me just start this off by saying I couldn’t have had a better title in my opinion. This question is always looked at as a joke. This question has never been taken seriously by the masses. Just kidding. No seriously these utensils are no joke, just ask those cartoon characters that stab each other with folks..Yeah thought so. Anyways where was I? Oh yeah back to this dumb topic, lets begin.

I’ll be starting this off by naming off all the utensils we use all the time; spoons, forks, knifes, hell I’ll even add chopsticks because I have no life. Tableware, flatware, software, silverware, they all mean the same thing so why even bothering having each have their own category. You know what? It just dawned on me.

Kitchen utensils

Why hasn’t someone invented this yet? Hell maybe after I’m done writing this I’ll invent this awesome idea. There should be like a pocketknife but instead of having knifes popping out of it why not have each form of silverware? Wouldn’t that make everyone’s life a bit easier?!

Besides the fact that we know that we all love our silverware I have an even better idea to investigate the issue even more closely. I suggest going to one of your favorite restaurants that has the fancy catering and the unique dishes. Whenever I’m in my favorite town Palisades Park, I always head to their restaurants because they have the best food ever! Whenever I get the chance to I always try to book a limo there just to show everyone I ride in style and I love having a good time there. However, I still think forks are my thing but thats’ just me being biased.

You can thank me later after you see me on your T.V screens. Anyways I’m going to try my hardest to now stay on topic and provide the answers you guys have been scratching your heads on ever since you were born.

Let’s put it like this.. let’s say someone robs your house and you are clearly outnumbered and all you have to fight back is a fork or a spoon. Choose one and choose wisely. I’m just going to say if you pick up the spoon then something is seriously wrong with you. PICK UP THE DAMN FOLK AND DEFEND YOURSELF. The hell is a spoon going to do for you?

With folks you can eat, fight, kill, whatever your little heart desires. Literally the only positive thing I can think about spoons is having it for soup. That’s about it. Forks give you the ability to cut your meat, cut your pizza, cut your birthday cake..ANYTHING.

My opinion is valid and I don’t care what spoons could do for you. That’s why young entrepreneurs go out of the way to sell forks and make money because no one wakes up one day and says “hey let’s go buy some spoons.” It ain’t happening. In conclusion we have learned that I’m an idiot and that folks have shown their dominance towards spoons. The end.